Tag Archives: Prose

Behind the door

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Her memory tears and wears away, little by little, like an old cloth that has served too much.
She was looking to the door and she said : « My grand-mother is behind this door. I have to see her. »
I observed : « But Mum, there is nobody outside. Your grand-mother can’t be there. ».
She tried to explain : « I believed that I lost myself like if I had forgotten her. »
And she added, trying to convince me or maybe herself : « But no. It is really my grand-mother… »

In listening to her, I thought she lives, from now on, with the ghosts of her past who appear and disappear at the mercy of her souvenirs. Like waves these ones come and go. And she drags me away in her world that I want it or not. But strangely enough, I am confortable in this one… sometimes.

Yesterday, my father was alive again. She talked about him as if she was sure this one soon will open the door, coming back to his job. I smiled and I let myself dream it was possible. Yes, it would be nice to believe that, to hear his voice again just once. And I feel some kind of sad joy to listen my mother talking about my father in this way.

But yesterday too, for some minutes, I disappear. She asked me in the evening : «  Do you know where is V. ? ». I answered : « V., it’s me. I am here. »
« Are you sure ? »
Great question Mother ! Am I sure if I am myself ? Not always, I could answer. But I chose to just say : « Yes, I am sure ! »
« How strange, I didn’t recognize you ! » She answered disturbed…

Sometimes I wake up afraid that, one day, I shall become nothing more than a lost picture that slowly and forever fades away in my mother’s soul. Yes sometimes I am afraid to view behind the door.

3. The Rain

The rain falls without stopping since days, maybe weeks.
And storms and lightnings run out of patience our nerves.
Our body already on our last legs, are soaked and dirty.
The soil can’t drink more. Mud and water are everywhere.
Impregnating all. Nothing escape this ambient humidity.
Nothing !

Nobody can fight the feeling of despair and exhaustion that is filling us.
This invisible enemy out of control can’t be vanquish.
We can only wait and see.
But the waiting is killing us, making us crazy.
The Nature, become hostile, reminds us to our mortal state.
The rain falls. And it seems, it will fall until the end of all days.

In this moment of doubt, the lower glow feeds our hope of bright lights.
But as soon as this one disappears, our hope disappears in the same time.
Tiring a little more our nerves. Increasing our resentment.

My hope is somewhere else. When my despair becomes too high.
I touch my necklace and sigh.
Finding in this simple touch, the reassurance I need in dark hours.
I look at you and my mind calms down. I found the force to continue.
To forget for a moment, even few, the rain and the storm.
No need light, no need hope when you enlighten my heart.

30. Sense of Life

Suite of words
Without aim
No direction, no sense
Only the space
Emptiness of words
Emptiness of substance
What the point of all this ?
All is illusion
And nothing has meaning
Definitively not God
Some days
My soul tormented
I would like to rise the world
To relieve myself from turmoil
Hamlet, my soft Prince
I understand
And me too I wonder
If we have or not to be.

22. The defeat

Slowly drawing the body’s line.
Hand slides brushing the skin,
Hot and soft. Feeling the heat
Burning me,
Wanting to rid myself of it.
I want to get away from him,
To make disappear trouble and fear.
But he stops my revolt, so vain,
Without gesture or fierceness.
I can’t get myself off his will.
Hypnotized and weak,
— I surrender.
Caress with absolute softness,
He brushes barely my lips.
As a tear slides along my cheek.

 

20. The Veil

Another poem in prose.

She veils, volunteer,
To enter in prayer.
She veils with indifference,
To hide the trouble.
She veils to put a distance
Between her and the world.
She veils her face to escape
A moment, this devouring love.
She puts an invisible veil
To survive,
What she can’t take anymore.
To last again.
She buries deep inside her.
Imprisoning herself.
To shoot.
But nobody listen.
World is deaf to her pain.
As from now, she is invisible again.