Category Archives: Prose

Behind the door

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Her memory tears and wears away, little by little, like an old cloth that has served too much.
She was looking to the door and she said : « My grand-mother is behind this door. I have to see her. »
I observed : « But Mum, there is nobody outside. Your grand-mother can’t be there. ».
She tried to explain : « I believed that I lost myself like if I had forgotten her. »
And she added, trying to convince me or maybe herself : « But no. It is really my grand-mother… »

In listening to her, I thought she lives, from now on, with the ghosts of her past who appear and disappear at the mercy of her souvenirs. Like waves these ones come and go. And she drags me away in her world that I want it or not. But strangely enough, I am confortable in this one… sometimes.

Yesterday, my father was alive again. She talked about him as if she was sure this one soon will open the door, coming back to his job. I smiled and I let myself dream it was possible. Yes, it would be nice to believe that, to hear his voice again just once. And I feel some kind of sad joy to listen my mother talking about my father in this way.

But yesterday too, for some minutes, I disappear. She asked me in the evening : «  Do you know where is V. ? ». I answered : « V., it’s me. I am here. »
« Are you sure ? »
Great question Mother ! Am I sure if I am myself ? Not always, I could answer. But I chose to just say : « Yes, I am sure ! »
« How strange, I didn’t recognize you ! » She answered disturbed…

Sometimes I wake up afraid that, one day, I shall become nothing more than a lost picture that slowly and forever fades away in my mother’s soul. Yes sometimes I am afraid to view behind the door.

3. The Rain

The rain falls without stopping since days, maybe weeks.
And storms and lightnings run out of patience our nerves.
Our body already on our last legs, are soaked and dirty.
The soil can’t drink more. Mud and water are everywhere.
Impregnating all. Nothing escape this ambient humidity.
Nothing !

Nobody can fight the feeling of despair and exhaustion that is filling us.
This invisible enemy out of control can’t be vanquish.
We can only wait and see.
But the waiting is killing us, making us crazy.
The Nature, become hostile, reminds us to our mortal state.
The rain falls. And it seems, it will fall until the end of all days.

In this moment of doubt, the lower glow feeds our hope of bright lights.
But as soon as this one disappears, our hope disappears in the same time.
Tiring a little more our nerves. Increasing our resentment.

My hope is somewhere else. When my despair becomes too high.
I touch my necklace and sigh.
Finding in this simple touch, the reassurance I need in dark hours.
I look at you and my mind calms down. I found the force to continue.
To forget for a moment, even few, the rain and the storm.
No need light, no need hope when you enlighten my heart.

2. The Moon

Since the beginning, you were my faithful lady.
My point of reference during all these years of conquest.
My attentive friend, my confident, my mistress.
Some nights when my pain was so unbearable, you came.
Caressing with softness my hair to appease my sorrow.
Then covering my body with a starry blanket,
You offered your light, in the dark moment.
I could feel your worry at the eve of battle,
Putting a veil back on your face. Were you afraid ?
Or just did you wanted to offer intimacy to lovers,
In these last instants.

Last instants !… What irony !

Alone on my bed, crushed by pain and fever, I look outside.
I can perceive your presence, the rays through the curtains
As always you are there, as always… You came again,
Putting on my feverish forehead light kisses. Caressing my cheek.
No word are required. You know like me. You know my worry.
You nod in silence. I know you will take care of him.
I sigh and close my eyes. My heart so light from now.

I know, I shall not see him again.
Tomorrow is too far and my tiredness is too big.
My breath so light. You call my name, troubled.
I open my eyes and smile.
Holding a hand on your face, I whisper :
« Say him that he must not blame me to leave.
His Patroclus is waiting for him in the Elysium Fields.
My love will never weakened.
And from now on, I let in his care our dreams ».
Exhausted, my hand falls on the sheet.
My eyes become cloudy.
And I fell the cold hand of the Death fallen on my heart and my body.

A soft hand brushes the face, closing the light eyes.
On the bed, the man with a skin of moon color, seems asleep peacefully.
The Moon in a last homage, put a kiss on his lips
And brushes some rebellious strands from his forehead.
Then listening some steps outside the room, she leaves in silence.

The drama can begin…

1. To embrace eternity

October is the month of the death of Hephaistion Amintoros, General and close friend of Alexander the Great. This is my first “tribute to Hephaistion 2014”.

_____________________

TO EMBRACE ETERNITY

You liked so much to take me in your arms.
Finding in this place a refuge to your doubt.
I close my eyes, and yes, I remember…

I could still feel your hands grabbing me.
As if your life depended on this.
As if you took heart in a so simple gesture.

We shared whispering words
That was only ours.
Feeling the warmth of our bodies.

But now… now I feel so feeble,
I search around me in vain.
Only the dark and the cold, I feel.

Clouds in my eyes, rain in my heart.
Through a screen of confusion, a ghost,
A breath in the wind.

I close my eyes again and smile
You are there, I know.
Your warmth on my skin.

I feel your arms around me.
These arms, I missed so much.
Your hands grabbing me so tight.

These hands say to give up all behind me.
My ambition and my empire too. You are right.
I feel so exhausted. It is time to go home.

Your face appears clearly now in front of me.
Your eyes, full of Azur, say the tenderness.
Your smile the reassurance I need.

Holding out your hand, you wait in silence.
Lying on my bed, I can heard the aigle’s shout.
Father, I am ready now and not afraid anymore.

Taking off your ring, in a last offering,
Holding out this one to you, I take your hand.
But I feel a confused regret, as if I lost something.

Turning over for a last gaze, I look beneath us.
My companions, my men, my wives crying.
My corpse. A soft pain tightens my heart.

I feel your hands on my face, I look in your eyes.
Yes, you are right. No more regret. I am so tired.
I just need your arms around me.

Your shoulder where I can put my head to forget.
I close my eyes. No more war. No more fight.
It is time to rest in peace.

30. Sense of Life

Suite of words
Without aim
No direction, no sense
Only the space
Emptiness of words
Emptiness of substance
What the point of all this ?
All is illusion
And nothing has meaning
Definitively not God
Some days
My soul tormented
I would like to rise the world
To relieve myself from turmoil
Hamlet, my soft Prince
I understand
And me too I wonder
If we have or not to be.